Things are not quite working out as I thought they would. I'm not sure what I expected but it was not this. Really it wasn't. I was expecting to be much more motivated. Well, actually more than that. I felt this "taking on the world" sort of energy building up inside me and all around me. but since the clock struck midnight and the the first of the new year was revealed, it has all subsided into nothingness. Why? Where did it go? I am searching, I swear I am. I am willing to take anything on as my muse. Looking for any bit of inspiration. But unfortunately, none will show.

And for no reason I can seek out, my world is topsy turvy. Go figure. A panic is building. I am already five days into the new year. Five wasted days. A grand failure...sigh.

I've tossed all the vices out the back door and they have been replaced by...hmm, nothing. None actually. I was hoping I would be able to say by healthy ones. But no, there's nothing. I've been sleeping in every morning. One would wonder if I'm employed. For the record I am. Staying up way too late for absolutely no interesting argumentation whatsoever.

My sister told me she drinks warm milk and sleeps most nights like a baby. I'm exaggerating, she has two young boys, I don't think she has slept soundly in years. I out of mere desperation at two thirty am, warmed milk, hoping once it reaches my belly it will lull me to sleep. Oh, and by the way, one of the many resolutions was to be vegan. Failing miserably I must say. I have a three hour hike planned for tomorrow but gut instinct is screaming with the clock quickly approaching three am, I will not be making that hike. Hell no.

Where has the fire gone. Tell me I am not the only fool wasting away. Excuse the drama, it can't be helped, it's a little past three am.

The warm milk tastes nice. I can't remember the last time I had warm milk. But I think sleep is playing tag with me. I'm it and I don't see myself catching it in the couples of hours.